My hard life

Go toilet and pee while i tht i blog abt how hard my life has come by.

Everything probably came cos of my father and my ex. My father - womanizer.. he cannot stop having woman by his side.. and whenever the gf dun wan him.. he will find back my mom.
This has been ongoing for yrs.. i always wanted my mom to get divorce but she wouldnt listen.

Time and time again i console my mom.. i seen her cry so many times and everytime she will find me to console her problems to. Me being as her daughter i hate to see this and i kept telling her to divorce..

Happen once he check my mom hp sms and i scolded him and told my mom to get divorce. He came home and scolded vulgarities at me and my bro. he hit me and my brother.. waited for my mom to come home. Living in hell tt time. He took a chair and smash our glass dining table. Bro got a cut at his leg. i told mom to immediately call the police. got bao fu ling from police. means he cant touch me and my bro if not he will b send to jail immediately.

Until 1 yr ago that she took divorce action and i can see she is so much happier now.

Tt lao dou has a gf.. who has a house in Australia. Heard from mom they just came back frm China.

( Sorry to DD if he see this.. cause he dun wan me to rem him.. ) Ex.. whom i had love so much before but took me for granted time and time again.. i lost count how many times he has "betray" me.. i just kept coming back to him.. Last straw was i went to check his hp and saw the film that he and another girl was having sex on my bed at his place.

After that incident, i told myself that the next i would not control so tight and if i found any 1 mistake, i would definately leave.. and not let myself stuck in misery.
I dunno what i have done... prob i was too glued on to him and he want to have his freedom of playing around. Lasted 2 1/2 yrs.

DD save me.. he was the one whu offered to pull me up from tt black hole. Although i knew that he has someone there.. we remain close friends until after a batam trip.. We got closer and told him my feelings.. but i wasnt expect anything i swear. He has major problems with his the other half for yrs and they quarrel often. Soon, we just started going to movies, having dinners and then holding hands blah blah..

RICO somehow knew our status... and pple kept on approaching me like i was that evil 3rd party. Everytime i had that comments, i would quarrel with him. I kept telling him to stay away from me until he has settled his problem.

i decided to leave when my manager pass my leave to my director and talk nonsence to him. Say i must have got something on with him cause we take e same leave. This is to me a very disrespectful manner.
My director ask me up and i got so fucking piss off.. i went down to clarify with my manager.
I cried and i told him i want to quit.
The next day, i took MC. But i was not sick at all.. just dun wan to come work.

Next day when i come back work, manager call me to the room and apologize. i dun wan to hear cos i already v tired from all these.

DD would often stay at my place and though he has place in Bishan and pay rent he still sleep at my place.. and he dun mind to sleep in the living room.
This went on for a few months.. until chinese new yr.. alien ( my sis ) started shouting at us to get out of our room ( we were just sleeping inside ) and we exchange loud quarrels.

I then decided to source for our own rent house somewhere outside. We contact an agent in the website and he got us this AMK flat, which is quite near to my home. Meeting them was nice at first but hell broke loose 2 months after. No aircon between 630am to 630pm.. even though it is weekends. It gets v hot in the afternoon and we even sometimes rest in the car just to hav aircon.

Happen DD went back Taiping.. i was all alone at home. I was at home and i bathe forgot to off the heater.Just seconds when i wan to go out,the woman owner came to knock at my door and ask me to off in a v rude manner... i tht she will at least take the initiative to help.. but 5 mins later she knock again and ask me to off.. i off and i bang the door. her husband then msg me and bf to move out of the house.

At that point of time, i was helpless. He wasnt beside me.. i cant go home bcos of my sis and bro. Happen to argue to the both of them. Bro i dunno what is the problem with him.. computer didnt wan to share.. keep locking with his password. Ask him thousand times to give, dun wan... Computer got virus, ask me to service and pay for it.. the 1st time was $300.. i use all my hongbao money to pay. This time i WILL NOT pay again because i didnt get to use the comp at all. I still pack and ran back home. i lock myself in my room and cry.. just kept crying.. i realli took a penknife and just wanted to end my life at my bed.

But thinking got blood stain everywhere and pple have to wash for me and i know i wont die then what for.. i just force myself and cry to sleep.. let time flies and hopefully everything will be least ok when i wake up.

Start sourcing out for other homes.. got this sms from Adeline that she is moving out and planning to rent her house. Though price is high but thinking no owner shud b kinda free and easy. Went to take a look and we like the place. Place our deposit and tt when we will move in.

Pack out stuff and left 2 weeks later. We were suppose to claim back our 1 month deposit. DD went to talk to him.. he said that he has no money and since the wife is holding on to the deposit, she shouted to the husband say " Cannot wait ah? Cannot see i bathing izzit?" He ask DD if can minus off $50 cos he got no money already. The actual reason was y they wanted to rent off the room is they just lost a business and actuali they both live seperately. But now that the room is rent off, they stay in the same room. But often i heard them quarreling at the other side. He ask DD if we heard them quarreling. He is moving to our room after we left. Dun wan sleep with her.

After moving off i interview at Gemini and i told myself i must have this job no matter what happens.

Though i miss RICO sometimes but i have Kak here to talk to sometimes.. least this place has onli 2 admin staff. And when boss is not in, FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!

We love our place as well.. even thought of buying it..

Hell period lasted for abt 6 months.. but im happier now living outside. Though my sis told my mom recently she is sorry and ask us to come back hav dinner.. i read her blog and she say the worst thing she done this yr is chase me and DD out... i dunno whether i can forgive.. cos she cost me hurt from v young age.. Everytime i have a bf, she try ways to break it.

Just ask me to cry now.. i think of just my family alone, i can cry immediately..
Mom sometimes msg me that she miss me and i can just break into tears.
I dunno whether i have a home a not..

I dunno what hard ships i can carry in the future, but my young life has been wasted because of such happenings.

Smtimes wake up in the morning and i felt sian to go work.. life is all abt work and sleep.. work come back bathe play game sleep.. nothing else.. Getting tired already.